Bridesmaids: Tips For and About!

Six or seven weeks back I was asked by a Bridal Magazine to write down my top 5 tips on dressing your bridesmaids for an upcoming feature about... well... dressing your bridesmaids.  Feeling hugely excited just to have been asked to do such a thing by a real and proper mag that people I've never met before can buy from real and proper shops, I set about the task with great enthusiasm, so much so that I came up with dozens of top tips and then had to spend three days trying to whittle it down to just the five.

Yesterday I popped into WHSmiths on my way home from working at The Makery in Bath, just on the off chance, to see if the relevant issue of the Wedding Mag was out yet and whether or not they had used what I sent them.

It was, and they had.

I actually whooped with excitement when I found it, which was rather embarrassing in the very crowded shop, excitedly told the girl at the check out that I was featured in the lovely glossy mag I was buying, and then walked the wrong way up Milsom Street to go and jump up and down in front the lovely Kate in The Makery Emporium and generally spread my new found fame and excitement as much as I could before getting on the bus. Which I of course missed due to all the excitement.

Here it is! Me!  Featured
in a real proper Mag!

When I finally arrived home, still sporting a stupid grin, I did of course spread my hugely exciting news all over Facebook and Twitter and once that was done satisfactorily I settled down to thoroughly read what I was I had written. On close inspection I realised that of the five top tips they had asked me for, they'd only used four, but I don't care. I'm in a real, proper grown up Bridal Mag as an experienced industry expert.  

This is a first for me and will always be HUGELY special.

But then of course I realised that now the Mag is out, there is no reason why I couldn't self publish the rest of my top tips for dressing bridesmaids... and a few other tips concerning these important people as well.  So here they are, starting with the four that Bristol and Somerset Your Wedding used in the feature.

• Your bridesmaids do not have to wear identical dresses. If your bridesmaids differ a lot in size or shape, consider using the same fabric for all the dresses, but use different styles to suit the different figure shapes – there is nothing worse than looking back on your photos and realising that one of your bridesmaids is trying to hide herself in every one as she knows she does not look as good in her dress as the others because it was not designed for someone of her shape. Likewise, if your bridesmaids have very different colouring, consider having the same style dress but in different colours or shades to suit skin tones. Both of these can look absolutely stunning, not least because the bridesmaids all look happy and comfy in dresses that fit and suit them.
• Fifties style tea dresses are a big trend at weddings at the moment and they do look absolutely gorgeous. But if you have a more than 2 or 3 bridesmaids wearing heavily netted petticoats under their lovely full skirts, think how much room they are going to take up in the car, the venue, and in the photos!
• If you're planning a winter wedding, remember to have include a wrap / bolero / shawl in your bridesmaids' outfit to keep them warm. As the bride, you will probably be running on adrenalin on the day and will not notice the temperature, but for your bridesmaids there will be a fair amount of standing around and waiting to be done – plenty of time to feel the chill.
• If having your bridesmaid dresses made, don't be tempted to have them made by different dressmakers across the country to suit where your bridesmaids live. They will not look the same when you get them all together, no matter how well qualified or experienced each of the dressmakers. Instead, find one dressmaker whom you trust and all feel comfy with, based at a location that makes the most sense for you, and discuss with her how best to design the dresses to help cut down on the number of fittings needed (strapless dresses with boned bodices, or dresses with complicated ruching or draping usually need more fittings). A dressmaker that works from her own home may be the most help in this situation, as her available appointment times are likely to be more flexible (evenings and Sundays) than those restricted to shop hours.
• Discuss your ideas for the dresses with your bridesmaids - you may have a very firm idea in your mind of what you want your bridesmaids to wear, and hopefully your dearest friends / sisters / cousins etc will want to fit into your ideas for your big day, but insisting that they wear something they do not feel comfy in will result in them looking uncomfy and unhappy on your big day and in your photos. It's your big day, but they are your friends so consider their needs and tastes as well.
• If buying your bridesmaid dresses ready made, start looking as early as possible to allow for the right number of dresses to be ordered in – bridal shops usually only stock samples, and high street stores very often have to order in at least one of the required dresses due to not having enough in the size required. You also need to allow time and extra budget for any alterations that may be needed, even on dresses that are 'made to measure' by specialist companies (when a dress is made based only on a list of measurements without ever having been put on the figure it is for, there is always a possibility of a less then perfect fit), and in some cases be prepared for a very hefty bill, as not all gowns are made with alterations in mind.
• Just like you, your adult bridesmaids will need the bras they will wear on the day at every fitting, as different bras can radically effect the wearer's shape, and they will need their shoes at the second to last fitting at the very least for hem lengths, even when the dresses are not floor length, as high heels effect the way you stand.
• For little bridesmaids / flower girls, unless you are wanting them to wear the same colour as your adult bridesmaids, it is MUCH cheaper to buy an ivory off the peg dress, and then tie it into the wedding colours with a sash or some fabric roses or other accessories.
• If you are having a large number of bridesmaids (4 plus), it may not be practical or helpful to try to arrange for them all to attend the same fitting appointment, particularly if you are employing a dressmaker working from home. Be guided by your dressmaker, and if she says she does not need to see them all together, arrange for them to go for fittings in pairs or one by one.
• While it is important for you to see the whole outfit together, it is not necessary to put on jewellery and hair accessories at every fitting. If you want to see it all together each time, have your bridesmaids arrive wearing it, rather than use up the time of your dressmaker / bridal shop. In some cases, fittings that run over time can incur extra charges.
• Strapless dresses are not the same as the strapless jersey boob-tube you wear on holiday. They are structured, boned and are meant to be tight. Unless they are extremely badly fitting, they will also NOT fall down, so there is no need for the wearer to keep tugging them back up. This is instinct however as we are not used to wearing garments like this any more. To avoid this, invest in some lingerie tape, and stick your bridesmaids into their dresses – usually structurally not necessary but it solves the tugging problem!
• And finally – completely silly but often not thought about – your bridesmaids will be busy on your wedding day, helping you, greeting guests etc. And most importantly, they will need to go to the loo! Make sure their dress is practical as well as lovely!

The two sisters on the left arrived from the States only 10 days before the
wedding, so they had thin spaghetti straps instead of the boned strapless bodices
the other four had.

The two adult bridesmaids here are a great example
of using the same fabric to create different style dresses
to suit different figure shapes. They both look stunning
because they are both comfortable in what they are wearing.

To finish off - a little cautionary tale for brides and bridesmaids everywhere.

Many years ago, I was hired to make the wedding dress and bridesmaids dresses for a big family wedding. Two of the three bridesmaids were the bride's sisters, and they all came into Radhika in Bristol to choose their silks in a very excited mood.

The bride knew exactly what she wanted both for herself and her bridesmaids, and found the combinations of plain and embroidered silks she was wanting in our books very quickly. I was called over to confirm the design and dress shapes that were wanted and we started to work out the yardages needed.

At was at this point that the bride's youngest sister suddenly said she did not like the colours chosen for her bridesmaid dress. In fact she said she hated them and would not wear them and if her sister insisted on that colour scheme then she would not be a bridesmaid.

The bride was somewhat taken aback by this, but in the interests of family harmony, she very generously asked her sister what she would prefer to wear.  All the books came out again, and a completely new colour scheme was chosen which was as far from what the bride wanted as you could get.  Then the youngest sister declared she didn't like the style her sister wanted either and had me redraw the design, changing it into something completely different.

The bride was visibly very upset at having her dream wedding ensemble thrown out the window, but she very bravely consented to the changes and we set about ordering lilac and silver silks instead of plum and gold ones. She should not have done this, as this action set the precedent for her youngest sister to bit by bit pick apart everything the bride had planned for her wedding. The flowers had to be changed as they no longer went with the colour scheme. Then the table settings were declared wrong, as was the seating plan, the order of service, the cars and the photo groups.

In effect, the sibling bridesmaid totally ruined her sister's wedding and made it her day.  But to add insult to injury, during the run up to the first wedding, the younger sister herself got engaged and asked the other sister to be her bridesmaid but not my bride. Her reason for this was that my bride has apparently too picky and argumentative in the planning of her own wedding.

Bridesmaids. Remember. It is NOT your day. It is an honour to be asked to be a bridesmaid, and it is stressful being a bride to be. You are there to help, not make things worse!

My article can be seen for real in the August / September issue of Bristol and Somerset Your Wedding. It's on page 70.

And the front cover looks like this.